1
00:00:04,504 --> 00:00:05,588
- [knocking]
- [door opens]
2
00:00:05,588 --> 00:00:07,132
Guess who's here.
3
00:00:07,257 --> 00:00:09,592
Drumroll, please.
4
00:00:09,592 --> 00:00:11,678
- [drumming]
- [maracas shaking]
5
00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:17,600
[loudly] Wow, I didn't hear you
coming up the driveway.
6
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:19,144
Would have given me time to hide.
7
00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:20,979
Oh, we don't play it outside.
8
00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:22,814
That would be rude to the neighbors.
9
00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:25,191
Henry, you're a little loud.
10
00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:26,192
Isn't he cute?
11
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:28,528
Make sure he practices, Reba.
12
00:00:28,653 --> 00:00:29,487
"Practices?"
13
00:00:29,487 --> 00:00:31,197
Why don't you go practice
in the living room, honey?
14
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:32,991
- Yeah, there you go.
- Bye, sweetie.
15
00:00:33,658 --> 00:00:34,784
Bye, sweetie.
16
00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:36,619
Barbra Jean, what were you thinking?
17
00:00:36,786 --> 00:00:39,622
Why didn't you just bring him over here
with a set of bagpipes?
18
00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:41,791
Reba,
19
00:00:42,041 --> 00:00:43,418
drummers get the chicks.
20
00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:44,586
[chuckles]
21
00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:55,013
Henry, can you stop that for a moment?
22
00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:56,765
Oh, he's in the middle of a song.
23
00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,141
How can you tell?
24
00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:02,353
Seriously, Henry, I'm getting a headache.
25
00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:04,814
The music will help you, Reba.
26
00:01:04,814 --> 00:01:07,108
Just let it wash over you.
27
00:01:07,108 --> 00:01:08,068
It's...
28
00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:11,988
I don't want it to wash over me.
29
00:01:11,988 --> 00:01:13,448
I want it to stop.
30
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:15,450
Henry, knock it off!
31
00:01:23,374 --> 00:01:25,210
I guess the band took a little break.
32
00:01:29,005 --> 00:01:30,423
[theme song playing]
33
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:31,633
[Reba] Hey, hey.
34
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,761
{\an8}♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪
35
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:37,096
{\an8}♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪
36
00:01:37,096 --> 00:01:41,434
♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪
37
00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:44,103
{\an8}♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪
38
00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:46,731
♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪
39
00:01:46,856 --> 00:01:48,441
♪ With gentle hands ♪
40
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,401
{\an8}♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪
41
00:01:53,154 --> 00:01:56,991
{\an8}♪ I'm a survivor ♪
42
00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:08,211
I cannot believe
you just yelled at my child.
43
00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:09,212
That wasn't yelling.
44
00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:11,422
I was just trying to be heard
over the drum solo.
45
00:02:11,422 --> 00:02:12,340
[Barbra Jean scoffs]
46
00:02:13,007 --> 00:02:13,925
{\an8}Well, you've very tough
47
00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:16,094
{\an8}when you're picking
on a four-year-old, Reba. Okay?
48
00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:17,345
{\an8}Why don't you try picking on me,
all right?
49
00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:18,555
{\an8}I'm not scared of you.
50
00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:24,310
{\an8}Okay. Maybe a little.
51
00:02:26,062 --> 00:02:27,272
{\an8}Look, he wasn't listening.
52
00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:29,274
{\an8}I was just trying to give him
a little discipline.
53
00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:30,608
{\an8}Yeah, well, you don't get to.
54
00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:31,776
{\an8}He's not your son.
55
00:02:31,776 --> 00:02:33,111
{\an8}You discipline Jake.
56
00:02:33,111 --> 00:02:35,488
{\an8}Well, of course, I do, Jake is my stepson.
57
00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:37,240
{\an8}Technically, you're nothing to Henry.
58
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,075
{\an8}Then why is he here in my house?
59
00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:41,077
{\an8}Why are you here in my house?
60
00:02:41,077 --> 00:02:42,620
{\an8}If I'm nothing to the both of you,
61
00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:43,830
{\an8}why are you always here?
62
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:44,998
{\an8}Well...
63
00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:47,500
{\an8}We're here because we like you!
64
00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:49,210
{\an8}Well, I'm sorry!
65
00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:53,172
{\an8}Okay, if you're gonna
keep coming over here...
66
00:02:53,381 --> 00:02:54,966
{\an8}And who are we kidding?
You are.
67
00:02:56,342 --> 00:02:59,596
{\an8}Then I need to be able to do something
about Henry's behavior.
68
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:02,473
{\an8}Fine. But I insist you do what we do.
69
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:05,059
In our house, we reason with Henry.
70
00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:09,522
- You reason with him?
- Yes.
71
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:11,691
I'm guessing he wins most of the time.
72
00:03:13,818 --> 00:03:15,820
It's not about winning and losing.
73
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,197
I mean, if I stuck my fingers
in my ears and held my breath,
74
00:03:18,197 --> 00:03:19,282
I'd probably win a lot too.
75
00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:21,242
Oh, Barbra Jean.
76
00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:22,952
I hear that same song and dance
77
00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:24,871
from the parent of every kid
that acts like a brat.
78
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:25,788
Oh.
79
00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:27,081
- Brat?
- Yes.
80
00:03:27,665 --> 00:03:28,666
[chuckles]
81
00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:31,252
Okay, so now you're calling Henry names?
82
00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:34,589
So you're a yeller and a name-caller,
but Henry's the problem.
83
00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:36,758
No. No, no, no. No. No.
84
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,134
I'll tell you what the problem is.
85
00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:39,510
- Oh.
- The problem is...
86
00:03:45,141 --> 00:03:46,100
Great.
87
00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:47,685
That's just what your brain needs,
88
00:03:47,685 --> 00:03:48,728
less oxygen.
89
00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:55,193
What time is it?
90
00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:56,819
[together] Guy time!
91
00:03:56,819 --> 00:03:58,821
[vocalizing]
92
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,366
Two men doing men things.
93
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:03,076
Getting the primal thing going.
94
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,119
So what is on the agenda today?
95
00:04:05,119 --> 00:04:07,538
Something I guarantee
you've never done before.
96
00:04:07,538 --> 00:04:09,207
Dwarf tossing.
Is it dwarf tossing?
97
00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:11,084
You did not rent a dwarf!
98
00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:15,672
I had something
a little more dignified in mind, Van.
99
00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:16,589
We...
100
00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:18,758
are going to a day spa.
101
00:04:21,469 --> 00:04:23,471
[chuckling] Yeah, right.
102
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:24,889
What are we gonna do?
103
00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:26,557
- Get our nails done?
- [chuckles]
104
00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:29,394
Yeah. Manicure, pedicure, massage.
105
00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:30,311
They call it...
106
00:04:30,561 --> 00:04:32,146
"The gentleman's fancy."
107
00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:41,322
Uh, Mr. H,
108
00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:44,492
I know this question's a little late
in our relationship, but, uh...
109
00:04:45,868 --> 00:04:47,161
are you gay?
110
00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:52,250
Men can care about their appearance too.
111
00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:55,545
You know, and we should be
secure enough in our masculinity
112
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:57,755
to spend the day getting pampered.
113
00:04:58,089 --> 00:05:00,258
Yeah, but, Mr. H, I need to do something
114
00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:02,802
that can get rid of all the tension
and aggression
115
00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,345
that builds up during the week.
116
00:05:04,345 --> 00:05:05,596
I mean, when I used to play football,
117
00:05:05,596 --> 00:05:07,307
I would get all of my frustrations out.
118
00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:09,058
Then I got married.
119
00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:13,104
And I had to bury it down deep.
120
00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:15,857
That's why I need to go bowling
or toss a dwarf.
121
00:05:17,191 --> 00:05:18,693
Trust me, Van.
122
00:05:19,068 --> 00:05:22,280
The spa experience will change your life.
123
00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:24,615
Huh?
124
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,203
- All right.
- All right.
125
00:05:29,912 --> 00:05:31,289
But they don't mess
with your hair, do they?
126
00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:33,416
'Cause Julio would scratch my eyes out.
127
00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,379
[cartoon playing on TV]
128
00:05:38,379 --> 00:05:41,090
Jake, didn't I tell you
you can't have your bat in the house?
129
00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:43,301
But what if we're attacked?
130
00:05:44,552 --> 00:05:46,095
What if I tan your hide?
131
00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:49,974
Then I can fight you off with my bat.
132
00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:54,896
Put it outside.
133
00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:57,398
Ding-dong.
134
00:05:57,398 --> 00:05:58,649
Yes, you are.
135
00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:02,361
[chuckles] Clever.
136
00:06:02,361 --> 00:06:04,739
What would you have said
if I would have said, "knock-knock"?
137
00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:06,240
I would have said you're a ding-dong.
138
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:10,328
No drum, huh?
139
00:06:10,661 --> 00:06:11,829
That is correct.
140
00:06:11,996 --> 00:06:15,333
This time, Henry is going to act
like a little gentleman.
141
00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:16,834
But just to be sure,
142
00:06:16,834 --> 00:06:19,212
I am going to give him a gentle reminder.
143
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:20,546
Observe...
144
00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:23,174
the Barbra Jean method of parenting.
145
00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:27,845
Yo, remember, Henry.
146
00:06:27,845 --> 00:06:31,265
The Notorious SOC,
the first puppet of hip-hop, says...
147
00:06:31,265 --> 00:06:32,350
"Yo, yo, yo,
148
00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:35,478
you gotta put your
best foot forward, okay?"
149
00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:36,395
No.
150
00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:41,400
Now, Henry, "no," is a bad word.
151
00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:43,653
That is why Mommy doesn't say it, okay?
152
00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:45,822
So, so why don't you just say, "maybe"?
153
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:46,989
Okay?
154
00:06:46,989 --> 00:06:48,032
- No.
- Okay.
155
00:06:48,032 --> 00:06:49,367
Just run along and play.
All right.
156
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,536
[sighs]
157
00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:53,579
What's wrong with you?
158
00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:58,334
Nothing's wrong with her, you rude lady.
159
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:02,296
[high-pitched voice] You're hurting me.
160
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,258
You smell like Brock's feet.
161
00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:09,387
I am making discipline fun.
162
00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:12,765
See, I communicate with Henry
using puppets and hip-hop.
163
00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:14,684
I call it, "Be Good in the Hood."
164
00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:15,810
[chuckles]
165
00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:17,979
[imitates beat box]
166
00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:19,021
[record scratching]
167
00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:21,065
Buh-buh, buh-buh, buh-buh, buh-buh.
168
00:07:21,065 --> 00:07:22,567
Behave.
169
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,404
You're buh-buh, buh-buh, buh-buh,
170
00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:27,822
buh-buh bananas.
171
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,992
Make fun, but it works.
172
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:34,078
See, if he behaves for a day,
he gets a blue sticker.
173
00:07:34,078 --> 00:07:37,540
And with seven blue stickers,
he can trade it in for a star sticker.
174
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:39,083
And with four star stickers,
175
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,835
he gets to be the mommy for a day.
176
00:07:47,008 --> 00:07:49,177
Well, my daddy used to swat me
with a switch.
177
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:52,054
And if I talked back,
I got upgraded to two more swats.
178
00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:56,267
Well, that explains the temper.
179
00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:57,351
[chuckles]
180
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,396
No, Barbra Jean, that explains why,
181
00:08:00,396 --> 00:08:02,482
when my daddy told me to do something,
I did it.
182
00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:04,442
Yeah, but that is so old-school.
183
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:07,570
Reba, there is a whole new loving world
of parenting out there.
184
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:08,696
No. No.
185
00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:11,282
There's a whole world
full of out-of-control kids...
186
00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:13,201
because their parents don't tell 'em no.
187
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:15,286
Well, Henry is not out of control.
188
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,704
[glass shatters]
189
00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:18,164
[Jake] Henry did it.
190
00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:22,084
Tell your puppet to get
191
00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:24,170
a bruh-bruh, bruh-bruh, bruh-bruh broom.
192
00:08:29,383 --> 00:08:30,801
Okay, boys.
193
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:32,595
What happened?
194
00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:34,096
I was trying to put my bat outside,
195
00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:36,432
and Henry grabbed it from me
and swung it at me.
196
00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:37,683
By the way,
197
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:39,143
strike one.
198
00:08:39,143 --> 00:08:40,061
[Barbra Jean gasps]
199
00:08:40,978 --> 00:08:42,355
Oh, Henry.
200
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:44,315
Why would you do that?
201
00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:45,900
I-I-I didn't do it.
202
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:47,193
Oh, Henry.
203
00:08:47,443 --> 00:08:48,736
Reba, I am so sorry.
204
00:08:48,736 --> 00:08:50,863
I am going to handle this right now.
205
00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:52,573
- Thank you.
- Okay.
206
00:08:53,115 --> 00:08:54,283
Come here.
207
00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:57,286
Now, Henry,
208
00:08:58,079 --> 00:08:59,372
Mommy loves you,
209
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:01,457
and we're still gonna go get ice cream.
210
00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:02,875
But...
211
00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:08,089
If you ever do this again,
212
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:10,675
I'm gonna have to take away
a blue sticker.
213
00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:13,928
Okay, now you consider this
your first lamp warning.
214
00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:20,017
"First lamp warning?"
215
00:09:21,143 --> 00:09:23,354
He did something bad,
he should be punished.
216
00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:24,605
Reba,
217
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:27,233
that is not the way to handle this.
218
00:09:27,483 --> 00:09:30,278
All the statistics show
that punishment does not work.
219
00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:32,113
Your way only encourages violence.
220
00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:33,197
Violence?
221
00:09:33,864 --> 00:09:36,492
He just beat my lamp to death
with this bat.
222
00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:39,245
And if he ever does it again,
223
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:40,955
he'll get the proper sticker penalty.
224
00:09:46,043 --> 00:09:47,336
- Get out.
- What?
225
00:09:47,336 --> 00:09:48,754
Get out, and take Chucky with you.
226
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:49,839
[gasps]
227
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,266
Reba, he is just a child.
228
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:02,143
You cannot blame him
for something like this.
229
00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:03,894
Oh, I don't blame him, I blame you.
230
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,897
Bad behavior comes from bad parenting.
231
00:10:07,189 --> 00:10:08,441
Okay. You don't mean that.
232
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:09,942
I mean that, and I mean this too.
233
00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:10,860
Time to go.
234
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:13,571
Okay, well, I'm not leaving.
235
00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:15,531
I'll give you
till the count of three: One.
236
00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:17,158
- Reba, we need to talk about this--
- Two.
237
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:18,951
- Okay, I'm not a child.
- Three.
238
00:10:28,836 --> 00:10:30,504
Did you just spank me?
239
00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:36,302
That's for talking back.
240
00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:38,721
Okay, you know what, we are out of here.
241
00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:40,014
That's the idea.
242
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,359
Jake, have you seen the glue?
243
00:10:51,692 --> 00:10:53,361
Elizabeth broke Mom's picture frame,
244
00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:55,988
and she's so mad about the lamp,
I know she's gonna freak.
245
00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:57,281
So tell her Henry broke it.
246
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:58,574
That's what I did.
247
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,117
- What?
- Yeah.
248
00:11:00,284 --> 00:11:01,452
I broke the lamp.
249
00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:02,578
Henry took the fall.
250
00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:04,080
Sweet.
251
00:11:06,415 --> 00:11:07,291
Hey, guys.
252
00:11:07,291 --> 00:11:10,378
Mom, Jake broke the lamp
and blamed it on Henry.
253
00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:12,171
Hey! You're my sister.
254
00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:14,006
You're not supposed to rat me out.
255
00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:17,301
Jake, why would you do that?
256
00:11:17,301 --> 00:11:18,928
Henry never gets punished anyway.
257
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,638
So I figured, why not blame him?
258
00:11:21,138 --> 00:11:23,182
He gets ice cream.
I don't get punished.
259
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:24,850
It's all good.
260
00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:28,104
No, it's not.
261
00:11:28,562 --> 00:11:30,398
'Cause you're grounded for a week
for breaking the lamp,
262
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:31,982
and another week for lying to me.
263
00:11:31,982 --> 00:11:33,150
Two weeks?
264
00:11:33,442 --> 00:11:35,444
I have Josh's birthday party next week.
265
00:11:35,444 --> 00:11:36,695
You shouldn't have lied to me.
266
00:11:36,695 --> 00:11:38,030
It's not fair!
267
00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:39,615
You keep mouthing off at me, young man,
268
00:11:39,615 --> 00:11:40,950
and you won't see your birthday.
269
00:11:42,910 --> 00:11:44,245
I hate it here!
270
00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:48,332
Yeah, and I hate that I have to apologize
to Barbra Jean!
271
00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:52,294
What'd you do to Barbra Jean?
272
00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:53,546
Oh, I spanked her.
273
00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:59,218
What happened to my picture frame?
274
00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:01,387
Jake broke it.
275
00:12:09,728 --> 00:12:10,646
Hey.
276
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:13,190
So you did the warm milk bath, huh?
277
00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:15,359
- How was that?
- Oh, man.
278
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,736
- It was terrific.
- Yeah?
279
00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:20,614
Hey, did you know if you pass gas in milk,
280
00:12:20,614 --> 00:12:22,992
the bubble takes, like,
forever to reach the surface?
281
00:12:25,661 --> 00:12:27,830
You should try it in a mud bath.
282
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,832
I don't even know where it goes.
283
00:12:32,626 --> 00:12:35,421
Oh, I'm really starting
to get into this, Mr. H.
284
00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:37,465
Good, "guy time," selection.
285
00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:38,466
Thanks, pal.
286
00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:39,550
Hey, you know what?
287
00:12:39,967 --> 00:12:41,594
You should start calling me Brock.
288
00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:44,263
- Really?
- Yeah.
289
00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:46,056
Well, I guess I could try that.
290
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:48,767
- Brock.
- Yeah.
291
00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:51,020
It sounds weird.
292
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:52,062
[chuckles] Oh.
293
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:53,439
You'll get used to it.
294
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,065
No. I mean you have a weird name.
295
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:57,526
Sounds like a parrot.
296
00:12:58,319 --> 00:12:59,320
Brock.
297
00:13:00,070 --> 00:13:01,113
Brock.
298
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:03,449
See?
299
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,326
I'm so relaxed, that doesn't even bug me.
300
00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:07,620
It's like a bird that warns of danger.
301
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,663
[squawking] Brock. Brock.
302
00:13:09,663 --> 00:13:10,706
Yeah. Okay, Van.
303
00:13:10,706 --> 00:13:12,082
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Brock!
304
00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:13,834
All right. Come on.
305
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:16,128
[sighs] Oh.
306
00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:18,422
So, Van, wasn't I right?
307
00:13:18,422 --> 00:13:19,340
Isn't this great?
308
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:21,467
Oh, you know, I have to admit it.
309
00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:24,845
I have kept my masculinity intact,
310
00:13:24,845 --> 00:13:26,388
and my skin is glowing.
311
00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:28,140
[laughs]
312
00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:29,892
- I look like a god.
- [chuckles]
313
00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:33,729
Yeah, and you haven't even
had the massage yet.
314
00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:37,274
Okay, I'm Robert.
I'll be your masseur.
315
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:42,863
Hank's running a little bit late, guys.
316
00:13:42,988 --> 00:13:44,198
Make yourselves comfortable.
I'll be right in.
317
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:45,282
All right.
318
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,077
Uh, hello.
319
00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:49,995
I thought we were gonna have women rub us.
320
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:51,830
No. No, guys are stronger.
321
00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:53,749
True. They're also guys.
322
00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:56,460
Van, trust me.
323
00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:58,671
Look, you just admitted
that I'd been right so far.
324
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,089
Besides, what are you afraid of?
325
00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:02,299
That if a guy rubs your back,
you'll turn gay?
326
00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:03,926
No.
327
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:06,220
But what if I like it?
328
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:09,848
- Who's first?
- Him.
329
00:14:09,848 --> 00:14:11,267
No, no, no.
Van, you go.
330
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:12,726
Hank is my guy.
331
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:14,645
Okay, then.
332
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:15,896
Any problem areas?
333
00:14:15,896 --> 00:14:18,065
No. No. I just needed to lie down.
Thanks, Rob.
334
00:14:18,065 --> 00:14:18,983
Van.
335
00:14:20,317 --> 00:14:22,486
Look, give him the deep-tissue shiatsu.
336
00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:23,863
- What?
- Yeah.
337
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,823
What? Hey. Hey. Oh. [chuckles]
338
00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:29,034
Can we ju... Oh, it's...
339
00:14:29,451 --> 00:14:30,870
Ooh.
340
00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:33,622
Ooh, there's a spot.
341
00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:36,542
- Ooh.
- Yeah. Yeah.
342
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:39,044
You know what, I'm gonna have Hank
do a little extra on my upper back.
343
00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:40,588
I mean, my shoulders are all knotted up
344
00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:41,839
from picking up Henry.
345
00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:43,424
You know, kids are funny.
346
00:14:44,174 --> 00:14:45,092
When I pick up Henry,
347
00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:47,386
then I pick up Elizabeth,
she feels light as a feather.
348
00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:50,472
Yeah, she's just
a little bit of a thing, huh?
349
00:14:50,472 --> 00:14:51,724
But she's cute as a button.
350
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:53,350
Yeah. So is Henry though.
351
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:56,312
[sighs] We're lucky to have
such great kids.
352
00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:58,564
Yeah. I can't imagine life without 'em.
353
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:00,858
But, you know, they're lucky too, Van.
354
00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:02,735
They've got two great dads who love 'em.
355
00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:08,115
[sobbing]
356
00:15:13,954 --> 00:15:14,914
Excuse me.
357
00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:17,207
Are you crying?
358
00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:18,417
No.
359
00:15:18,417 --> 00:15:20,336
Well, you don't have to stop rubbing.
360
00:15:20,336 --> 00:15:21,378
Oh.
361
00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:24,423
Oh, I'm sorry.
362
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:27,635
I just always get choked up
when I hear people talk about their kids.
363
00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:31,055
It's, like, the one thing in my life
I really feel like I'm missing.
364
00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:32,681
Yeah, well, you're young.
365
00:15:32,681 --> 00:15:34,183
You got plenty of time yet.
366
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:35,643
Oh, I want to adopt,
367
00:15:35,851 --> 00:15:38,771
but Peter worries
it'll be too hard for a child to...
368
00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:42,983
grow up with gay parents.
369
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:47,404
But look at you two.
370
00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:49,990
Brock.
371
00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,203
I mean, I realize people could be
372
00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:55,955
hurtful and ignorant, but, oh...
373
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:58,874
we have... so... much... love
374
00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:00,292
to offer a child.
375
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:04,004
Meeting a gay couple who are so happy...
376
00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:06,131
it's like a miracle.
377
00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:09,593
You guys are perfect.
378
00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:11,345
- [squawking] Brock.
- Oh.
379
00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:13,639
- Brock.
- Van. Van.
380
00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:17,309
You know, uh, Robert, uh,
381
00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:21,021
we're not exactly, uh, perfect.
382
00:16:21,021 --> 00:16:22,606
Yes, you are.
383
00:16:22,856 --> 00:16:25,526
You're perfect
because you love your children.
384
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:28,153
That's all anybody needs to do.
385
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:30,906
God bless you.
386
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:33,158
Yeah, well...
387
00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:35,035
right back at ya, Robert.
388
00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:38,497
And it's so great that you two
still find time for each other.
389
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:41,709
- That's the key to a good relationship.
- Yeah.
390
00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:44,962
Peter and I call that our guy time.
391
00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:49,842
[squawking] Brock.
392
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,885
- [groaning]
- Brock.
393
00:16:58,475 --> 00:17:00,352
Yes, Officer,
I'd like to report an assault.
394
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:01,729
Yes.
395
00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:03,731
My husband's ex-wife spanked me.
396
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:08,402
Well, she's a redhead,
and I'm a blonde, but--
397
00:17:08,652 --> 00:17:10,487
What does that have to do with anything?
398
00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:11,989
[door opens]
399
00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:13,949
She's here. Send help.
400
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:16,368
Hmm? Hmm?
401
00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:20,372
It's okay, Barbra Jean.
I'm here to apologize.
402
00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:21,290
Mmm-hmm?
403
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:23,208
Well, an apology won't take the red marks
404
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:24,960
off my snowy white bottom.
405
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:26,879
Oh, come on.
406
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:29,465
We both knew that the spanking
was coming sooner or later.
407
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:31,925
But you didn't deserve it today,
408
00:17:31,925 --> 00:17:34,803
because apparently
Jake was the one that broke the lamp.
409
00:17:36,263 --> 00:17:37,431
- Really?
- Yes.
410
00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:41,226
As painful as it is for me to admit to you
that I was wrong...
411
00:17:42,186 --> 00:17:43,687
And it is painful.
412
00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:45,856
Very painful.
413
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:49,234
I just think it's right
that I be very honest with you.
414
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:50,235
You deserve that.
415
00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:51,278
Oh.
416
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:52,404
Yeah.
417
00:17:52,946 --> 00:17:55,532
And I'm gonna start giving Henry
the benefit of the doubt
418
00:17:55,532 --> 00:17:57,951
because I'm sure that it was Jake
that did most of the stuff
419
00:17:57,951 --> 00:17:59,620
that I've been blaming Henry for.
420
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:03,040
Oh, Reba.
421
00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:07,628
Oh, this is why
all my clothes smell like Barbra Jean.
422
00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:08,629
Get back.
423
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:10,631
Oh, you don't understand.
424
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:12,216
Jake's an angel.
425
00:18:12,674 --> 00:18:14,009
Henry is the devil.
426
00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:15,803
[snarls]
427
00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:18,347
What?
428
00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:20,516
Oh, he's done tons of awful stuff
at your house
429
00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:21,850
that we blamed on Van.
430
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:24,853
The overflowing toilet.
431
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,146
The oven.
432
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:27,940
The dent in your car.
433
00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:30,400
Henry did that?
434
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:31,652
With his head.
435
00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:36,073
And he steals.
436
00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:37,741
Reba, here.
437
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,910
Here's that earring
you've been looking for.
438
00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:42,454
I put it back three times,
but he keeps taking it.
439
00:18:43,705 --> 00:18:45,624
Barbra Jean, you need
to do something to Henry
440
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:47,000
when he misbehaves.
441
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:51,004
You have to discipline him
with something other than blue stickers.
442
00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:52,756
Well, the blue stickers
are for when he's good.
443
00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:54,466
The red stickers are for when he's bad,
444
00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:56,552
although I'm thinking
of getting rid of the stickers altogether.
445
00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:57,803
You know, I might just give him money.
446
00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:01,974
You need to be firm with him,
447
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,142
mean almost.
448
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,601
Yeah, but then he won't like me.
449
00:19:04,601 --> 00:19:06,186
Would you listen to yourself?
450
00:19:06,436 --> 00:19:08,355
You're not supposed to be
your kid's friend.
451
00:19:08,355 --> 00:19:09,398
You're his mother.
452
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:11,775
It's your job.
453
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:14,862
Do you think Jake
is very happy with me right now?
454
00:19:14,862 --> 00:19:17,489
He did something wrong,
and I had to punish him.
455
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:19,116
I had to be strong.
456
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:20,242
Mmm.
457
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:23,203
Even though he told me
he hates to be with me.
458
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:25,205
Reba, Jake didn't mean that.
459
00:19:25,205 --> 00:19:27,291
Well, the fact of the matter is...
460
00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:29,585
my little man is very mad right now.
461
00:19:30,085 --> 00:19:31,920
And although I know it'll pass in time...
462
00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:35,507
[voice breaks]
it's a very hard thing to hear.
463
00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:39,303
- Oh, Reba, it's okay.
- I'm okay.
464
00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:41,096
Just let it out.
I know. I know.
465
00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:43,140
Your little man, you know, he loves you.
466
00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:45,017
- [crying] I know he does.
- Yeah.
467
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:46,268
Oh, here.
468
00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:48,187
Here you go.
Here you go.
469
00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:49,855
Here you go.
470
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:50,939
- [sobbing]
- You know...
471
00:19:51,398 --> 00:19:54,776
Just like, you know,
I know that Henry would still love me
472
00:19:54,776 --> 00:19:56,403
if I had to tell him no sometimes.
473
00:19:56,403 --> 00:19:57,362
Yeah.
474
00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:59,323
Even though I know how much it hurts
475
00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:01,658
when he's mommy for the day
and he tells me no.
476
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,163
[snorts] Oh, God.
477
00:20:07,664 --> 00:20:09,499
Why is being a mother so hard?
478
00:20:09,499 --> 00:20:10,542
I know. I hate it.
479
00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:12,586
You know, I love it, but I hate it.
480
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:13,670
[both sobbing]
481
00:20:13,670 --> 00:20:15,172
[glass shatters]
482
00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:21,178
He's awake.
483
00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:24,556
God.
484
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:31,313
[closing theme music playing]
485
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:01,218
{\an8}Acme! [coughing]